who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
