That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
