I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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