I have demons in me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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