I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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