I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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