he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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