The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
