I'm going to jail i love you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
