It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
