i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
