Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
