Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
