My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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