I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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