does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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