He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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