OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think my vagina is haunted
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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