i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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