Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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