I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
