dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
