it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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