you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize