So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
