why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
