This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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