I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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