My first STD was from a foam party
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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