I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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