This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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