just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
