took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
