i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
