Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
