I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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