If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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