Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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