You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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