in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize