I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
