She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my poor anus
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
