2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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