My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
