sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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