singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
