I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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