you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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