where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im part way to drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
