Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
