nut hugger
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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