I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
