News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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