I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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