If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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