dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
