Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize