already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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