he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
