i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
