when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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