I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
